It started with me getting upset at work because I wasn't making any sales. This caused me to think about money and school and my reasoning behind staying in this boring ass town, etcetera. I knew what was coming next. I decided to take a walk to the food court as an attempt to clear my head. Bad fucking idea! I ended up making a fool of myself in front of a large crowd of people. First, I had a panic attack then I proceeded to call my mother and had a fit of rage. The more I tried to take control, the worst it became.
I don't know about anyone else, but my panic attacks are indescribable. When I have them, I lose all sense of reality. I usually don't connect the experience as a panic attack until I see the shocked looks on the faces of strangers, my friends, and sometimes my family. I absolutely hate having to explain what the hell they just witnessed so I make these desperate attempts to control my anxiety which makes things even worse.
I have a lot to get done this week. There's finals to be studied for and plans to be made for next semester. I also have to work 36 hours on top of that. I'm not too upset about that because I need the money, but damn, why the same week of finals? Ah!
After all of this is over, I'm going to treat myself to something like an erotic massage or a male stripper named Shaft... Yep, sounds like a plan to me.
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