Running Back

Finals week was crazy. I deprived myself of sleep to the point that I became delirious and began to hallucinate to Molly's amusement. I fell into a wall, thinking I was falling over a cliff, and I saw a little man run across the table. Immediately after finals were over, a sane person would have slept as much as possible but not Christina. I went out Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night with my friends.

Wednesday night, I was so exhausted that I blacked out for a huge part of the night and couldn't remember traveling across town to bring a friend a cheeseburger. (Yeah, I know, WTF?) Thursday night, I got drunk and cried my eyes out for the first time in a long time after my day off to see my family was taken away (Friday). So Friday, I spent the whole day pissed off, danced my ass off that night, and fell into a deep sleep at the worst possible time. During my shift on Saturday, I ended up passed out cold on the bathroom floor and woke up lost and disoriented. At first I thought I had a seizure (I've had them in the past), but I'm 90 percent sure that it was just my body saying "Get some sleep you fucking idiot!"

Well, I've gotten loads of sleep since then but it hasn't improved anything. I'm still really bitchy and irritable, not the same kind of bitchy and irritable mood that has landed my ass in anger management, but it's still pretty bad. As someone who has dealt with anger issues pretty much everyday of my life, I can easily sense when my friends find me unpleasant to be around. I hate when I can't just let myself enjoy life and ignore the little things. I hate bringing down the mood because something as small as a stranger being an asshole to me caused my panties to get in a wad. It's not fair to my friends nor is it fair to me. Instead of moving forward, I feel as if I'm slowly reversing all of the progress I've made these past few years. I need to stop and reevaluate.

I have more on my mind, but I don't feel like being on the computer anymore. I would much rather read and get some more rest.